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[Home]->[Books]->[The Four Little Pigs]

The Four Little Pigs: A cautionary tale about the sad consequences of little pigs being ill-prepared for real-world encounters with Big Bad Wolves. A shocking revelation about the fourth little pig, who has been previously concealed from the public eye. And - of course - a reasonably happy end.

This book is available in electronic format at Amazon:
UKplease click this link to go the American store
USAplease click this link to go the United Kingdom store

It is also included in the printed collection of several titles at Createspace

The complete text with scaled-down illustrations can be seen below. Enjoy!

Cover Page

Page 1

Do you know the story of the three little pigs? Well, the way it's usually told, it sounds like a fairy tale. Let me tell you what really happened.

First of all, there were four little pigs. They were born within a few days of each other and grew up on the same farm. And they were the best of friends, in spite of having very different parents. Parents are always slightly embarrassing anyway, so our friends did not talk about them too much with each other.

The first piglet's parents were very modern. They ate only organically grown fresh food (a thing largely unheard of among pigs). They enjoyed contemporary art, which, believe you me, is almost impossible. And they did not believe in monsters, whose existence could not be empirically proven. There weren't any Big Bad Wolves on the farm, and they taught their son that the Big Bad Wolves do not exist.

Page 2

The second piglet's parents did not hold with all that modern nonsense. They ate whatever was there and didn't bother about any art. They thought their neighbors a little weird. They did what their parents did before them and told their son that the Big Bad Wolf would come and get him if he did not behave and did not listen.

Page 3

The third piglet's parents actually believed in the Big Bad Wolf, but did not believe in taking things lying down. They trained their son in self-defense since he was a tiny little nipper. He was the strongest piglet on the farm.

Page 4

The fourth piglet's parents were a little odd. They told him that they were not sure if the Big Bad Wolf existed, and, if so, what he was like. Since they weren't sure, it was best to be prepared as much as possible, but then to act according to circumstances. No one was ever sure what exactly they meant.

Page 5

As I said, the four piglets were the best of friends. When they grew up, they decided to move together to a new place near a deep dark forest. And there happened to be a Big Bad Wolf living there. When he heard that four little pigs had moved to the area, he was very happy. "I will not have to be hungry this winter," - thought the Big Bad Wolf.

Page 6

Their new neighbors told our friends that they should build strong houses for protection because of the Big Bad Wolf living in the forest. The first little pig did not believe them. He called them "superstitious peasants" and quickly built the simplest house he could, a house made of straw. He felt quite safe in it.

Page 7

The second little pig believed the neighbors, but he knew that the Big Bad Wolf only came for bad little pigs. He quickly built a house made of paper, with a certificate "For good behavior" pasted prominently over the door. He also felt quite safe, though he kept several more certificates under his pillow (just in case, you know).

Page 8

The third little pig believed in being prepared. He took a little longer and built a house of sticks. Not only was it stronger than the other two, it actually consisted of weapons. The third little pig felt quite safe and boasted to his friends that, if the Big Bad Wolf ever showed up, he could use every stick from the wall to hit him with.

Page 9

The fourth little pig was not sure what to believe, but he built a brick house just in case. It took a lot longer than the other three, but it provided the best protection. He also asked around about the Big Bad Wolf's habits and was told that he huffs and puffs a lot. He got some sneezing powder in the village market and put it in a jar on the shelf. After that, he figured out that there was nothing else he could do and stopped thinking about the whole business.

Page 10

As the winter approached and food became scarce, the Big Bad Wolf decided to look in on the four little pigs. First, he went to the house of straw. The first little pig was in the garden. When he saw the giant figure of the Big Bad Wolf bearing down on him, he weakened momentarily and ran into the house. However, once there he calmed down and told himself that he must have overdone it last night or eaten some bad mushrooms and was now hallucinating. He knew that there was no such thing as a Big Bad Wolf! So he sat down and started reading a book. The Big Bad Wolf went up to the door, he huffed and he puffed and he blew the house (which, as we remember, was made of straw) down. He ate the first little pig in one gulp and went back to the deep dark forest.

Page 11

After a while, the Big Bad Wolf became hungry again. He went to the house of paper this time. As the second little pig saw him approaching, he ran into the house, jumped into the bed, grabbed his extra good behavior certificates from under his pillow and clutched them in his hand and covered his head with a blanket for good measure. He felt safe now - he knew he was a good little pig and Big Bad Wolves only eat bad piglets, who misbehave and don't listen. The Big Bad Wolf went up to the paper house, he huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down. He ate the second little pig along with his certificates (wolves are not very picky about their diet and usually illiterate) and went back to the deep dark forest happy.

Page 12

Time passed and the Big Bad Wolf decided to eat the third little pig. The piglet had been training all that time and, when he saw the Big Bad Wolf approaching, he was almost glad that the wait was over. He was going to avenge his friends! He took the biggest stick out of the wall of his house of sticks and prepared to defend himself. The Big Bad Wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down. But the third little pig was ready. He hit the Big Bad Wolf on the head with all his might. The Big Bad Wolf was a little dazed, but he continued to advance. The little pig realized that he would not be able to win this fight. He hit the Big Bad Wolf again, which slowed him down, and ran as fast as he could.

Page 13

The third little pig ran to the brick house of his remaining friend. They barricaded the door and he quickly told the fourth little pig about their enemy, who turned out to be much stronger than they thought. But he did, indeed, do a lot of huffing and puffing. So the fourth little pig took the sneezing powder off the shelf and told his friend to be ready with his big stick. When the Big Bad Wolf approached the house, he started huffing and puffing, but the house of bricks was not so easy to blow down. The Big Bad Wolf was getting quite worn out when the fourth little pig opened his window a crack and let the powder out just as the Big Bad Wolf was taking in a big breath for the next huff (or was it a puff?). The Big Bad Wolf bent over sneezing and coughing. The third little pig jumped out and started hitting him with his stick while the fourth little pig grabbed a sturdy rope and quickly tangled it around their enemy. By the time the Big Bad Wolf stopped sneezing, he was tied up head to foot.

Page 14

The two little pigs took the Big Bad Wolf to the nearest big city and sold him to a zoo, where others could see him and learn all about Big Bad Wolves. And they lived reasonably happily and safely ever after.

Page 15

Now, you are probably wondering why the second little pig was never mentioned in any rendition of the story you've heard, aren't you? It is because the fairy tales are told by parents, who are usually loath to admit that the Big Bad Wolf does not care whether you are a good or bad little pig.

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